The Road less Travelled! (a short story)

Adolescence was kissing our feet as we entered the room with a board on which ” IX-A” was scrolled over and four of us entered the class with a cocky grin. “oh! So this is where Riya Awasthi used to rest her so exquisite posterior” shouted Piyuesh while trying to embrace the chair. “Can’t you just try not to be disgusting at the very first day of class??” I replied scornfully. “First return my copy of “ bedroom delights ”, you kinky bastard” came the retaliation and I adhered to my seat without making any more comments. “Yea Puss,what if any of the girls walks in?” asked a concerned Gaggi. “People, with great power comes great responsibility and now as official seniors it is for us to endorse the disgust and kink.”

“wooo, look at her, tighter shirt and a shorter skirt, puberty is directly proportional to skankiness brah, we have to keep up with the girls dude,so pull your zippers up” as Puss continued. “shut up yaar Puss,enough with the crap, zip it now” yelled Sid who wasn’t as chirpy as usual.” What happened Romeo,why so cranky?? didn’t Garima wish you with the ‘muah-infested good night’ yesterday ?” I mocked. “had a spat again,didn’t you?? It will be fine yaar” consoled Gaggi as we all took adjacent seats as the bell rang.

Ringing the bell like demented primates was Puss standing outside my gate yelling “Baabu wouldn’t let us in you mofo, make it quick” . “let me just lock the doors bey and please can you speak in a lower register, we have neighbors ,damn you Maths! You took away my privilege of sleeping in the afternoon ” I kept mumbling and reluctantly got on my bicycle. “That Sid moron wouldn’t stop sulking, should we gift him with Kama sutra coloring books ?” started Piyuesh.”Umm,no! I guess those new DVDs should be a better choice” I replied in a serious tone. “ah! interactive learning, brilliant sire!” clucked Puss and so we pedaled on and we were to meet Gaggi and Sid on the Chowk(crossroads), as usual Gaggi was there but Sid wasn’t. “We’ll have to bunk the tuition today, they broke-up” were the words that came out of Gaggi’s mouth. No, back then we didn’t think it was juvenile breaking up on some trivial issue which I don’t even remember, but yea it was something stupid. We rushed to Sid’s place, which reeked of Aslam and Iglesias. “It is fine yaar, you cannot change destiny and the bitch was asking for it.” I said as everybody nodded. “maybe you are right ,I should get a break from. . . . . .(te-te,te-te ‘ the message alert tone’,he picks up the phone and reads ),I need to go her house ,she wants to talk”. “Ok,fine you have fun and now when we have time to kill,God bless Playstation!” said Puss. “you all are coming” , “We are doomed” I sighed in exasperation.

Now Garima lived across the town which was like a 7 km ride and there were two ways of getting there: one) take the main road and be stuck in traffic for half an hour or 2) take the road less travelled which ran parallel to the highway but was also deserted because of the long-running stories about dacoity and ghostly hitchhikers as it was not well-lit , which took us around 8 mins to cross and second had always been our obvious choice. It had started to get dusky , we reached Garima’s place ,now we were quite acquainted to her family as we would at frequent intervals visit for “notes:P”, everyone but her father(a mentally ill being probably suffering from psychosis),that person used to creep the hell out of us , to him we were an eyesore and he to us. So while these two had their “talk” while we sat there happily munching on cheese-balls and wafers. Apparently , both parties eventually made peace and the much awaited “patch-up” happened. “Couldn’t they have done all this gooey stuff on phone??, Graham Bell’s soul is crying out loud right now, I tell you. ” murmured Puss while Gaggi sipped on the Frooti juice box. So at last we we got up to leave and started towards the door and as her mother was busy doing kitchen work, she came running, caught hold of Sid, hugged him and gave him a peck on his cheek while we pretended to look away .”What is going on here?” said a roaring voice, we turned and there was her Dad and the look on his face was enough for us all to pee our pants. ”Each one for himself, save yourselves” shouted Puss and we ran like anything, got on our bicycles and did not even dare to slow down or look back till we reached route no. 2. “You horny bastard, you almost got us killed just for the sake of pleasing your penis” said an annoyed Puss and I turned back intending to frown upon him, a cold wave of eeriness ran throughout my body as Sid wasn’t there and neither was Gaggi, when I made Puss aware he was left speechless too. “Let us just get out of the place as soon as possible” he said and we started pedaling faster.

“suhaana safar aur ye mausam haseen,humey darr hai hum kho naa jaye kahi”. “what the fuck are you doing??” he shouted, all cranked up, “trying to level down the nervousness dude”. “By the way it’s working” now sounding a little relaxed. “Hehehehehe,Suhaana Safar?? Where are you guys heading” asked a stuttering voice. I turned right to see a bald, man riding adjacent to us and smiling,one of his tooth was missing. I actually lost my breathe for a moment and that feeling of fear I can not ever describe ,my mouth went dry and then I heard Puss yelling “Fuuuuccccccckkkkkkkkkkkk”, we both cycled with all our strength and in a span of mere 2 minutes we were on the highway. We went straight to our respective homes and then to bed but sleep eluded me all night. Next morning ,rang the door bell and the three of them came in. Actually what happened was Gaggi and Sid in hassle and bafflement took the highway and reached home only half an hour later ,they then decided not to disturb us and discuss the “scene” in school. We then narrated the whole story to both of them,for a moment there was silence and then we all burst into laughters, “what a God-forbidden day it was?” and apparently Garima didn’t show up in class for an another week.

“Unfolding Enigma”

The mind had always been occupied and involuntary,
mesmerized but here I stand, so acutely mute.
Stance of the heart is now inclement,
but the power of thought rendered incompetent.

Was it known, mere glaring would leave me intoxicated,
would never have touched an effervescent wine,
have witnessed eyes that would narrate tales in a blink
but baffled to see a kind which could melodiously sing.

Who won’t adore that petalled , subtle curve of yours,
affixed by the creator, as the last piece of that perfect collage.
Bedazzled must he be left, who is to receive thy smile,
pulse would have skipped a beat but after that left pounding.

Interpretation of an enigma, is a juvenile thing to do,
what urges me to this relentless pursuit, I don’t have a damn clue.
They tell me, “There is more than what meets the eyes”,
“depends on what you’re trying to find” I just say
Maybe finding a piece of lost bliss, maybe a whole paradise.

About the Poem- This very platonic work is obviously dedicated to rakhee, who let me copy that picture of hers, the time i saw this picture it kind of spoke to me, very appealing and then i couldn’t stop myself from scribbling and now here it is

 

 

 

“Chutiya Banata Hai!”

It was one of those bumpy back-to-home rides on one of those bouncy castles popularly known as the U.P. Roadways (the buses). I had my earphones shoved into my ears and savoring the voice of Jim Morrison, enters a staggering figure and spots the only vacant seat in the bus, “light my fire” was interrupted by the descending tushie of his on my lap, his breath reeking of cheap liquor(Yes, I can make out the difference), I somehow helped him settle on the seat adjacent to mine, he spent a major part of his journey mumbling expletives against his wife, mostly low fidelity issues , but then in the last quarter hour all of a sudden he sits up to the sight of a aloo-tikki stall and starts obtrusively -“Ye saala  tikki waala sabko chutiya banata hai, shudh desi ghee ki tikkiya,iske baap ne bhi sungha h desi ghee???(I wanted to say “how would I know” but kept mum), saale 600 rupaiye/kg hai, Dalda me desi ghee ki khusboo milake bechta hai(that is technically the scent of desi ghee right), aaj ki duniya me ek aadmi 100 logo ka chutiya banata hai”(he accused that particular tikki waala of making a fool out of everyone by using adulterated ghee), I simply nodded and smiled by the time I reached for my bag pack and had a sip of water he was “down” again.
Now we know how much these colorful festivals are celebrated and relished in our country and so are these drool-enhancing sweets and other fancy eatables which are an inseparable part of these extravagant events. The words of the “drunk uncle” were echoing in my mind while I was trying to pop-in one of those white rasgullas Dad brought home the other night, the thing is everything we eat is adulterated, these soulless selfish bastards have figured out new and innovative ways to deceive the common man of his health and money, be it sweets, milk, veggies, even fruits. He also mentioned that in the present times, one has to be deceptive and sly  to make things work and attain a sustainable monetary state, maybe a very cogent statement and very insightful, but then most of the people turn into profound orators after ethyl alcohol acts upon them.
He also mentioned that you need to have a lot of gall to pull off something like that, “Beta, in today’s world if you can speak intelligent shit and defecate people out (I am still trying to figure this one out), you will be the one ruling the world”. Now what it depicts is the angle from which the common man views his problems and he doesn’t even want to eradicate it, he is advertising it (the wrong ideas) and would gladly do it, if given a chance. It is factual that every consumable item is infected with adulterants and its people like the “drunken uncle” who are doing it, what we need to work on is our basic principles on the grass root levels of our conscience and set them straight, it may take a lot of gall to do wrong but it takes a lot more courage to choose what is actually right and publish it.
P.S.- be careful while picking up one of those deceiving, palatable thingies this festive season, they may seem like mesmerizing mermaids but are actually blood-thirsty nymphs in disguise.

Ufffff Salman!!!!(the trivia)

Now, there I was , starting with a brilliant piece of work by Mr.Frederick Forsyth , but then buzzes my phone and a hasty voice had already started praising  “him”, by the time the phone reached my ear it was like-“ aur climax to boht hi tod tha yaar kya btau mai”, while I was trying to figure out what it was actually about another shrieking voice in the background says-“awww, Salman, hayyyyeeeee” and again came, one of my many “bang my head against a firm surface” moments.  So now I wrote a little trivia, so that you people won’t bug me again,
1. Why still a bachelor?
->Ummmmmmmmm, I learned somewhere that using performance enhancing and tissue building steroids for a long period of time leads to infertility or erectile dysfunction in males. So. . . . . . . I think, I have made my point here.

2. Why so violent?
-> It also came to my knowledge from a science journal that inability to use one’s genetilia can cause frustration and violent episodes of sub-psychotic rage. These people try to take this out on weaker beings, so that would explain the acts of domestic violence evident on his then “girlfriends” and my little friend “the black buck” :/

3. Why so generous and inclination towards social causes?
-> To explain this, I would like to tell you about our neighbors’ dog Marshal, now Marshal has a tendency to poop at any random place in their garden but then he realizes “Darn, here comes the fat guy with a bamboo stick”, so he covers it up with mud. I wanted to put it delicately, so I used a parable, and then you guys are smart enough to do the inferring.

All I wanted to deduce is that there is more that what meets the eyes, the Almighty has blessed everyone with the same amount of brain platter, so my advice is not to go bananas over someone (you know who ), and even then if you want to because “everybody is entitled to their opinions”, try punching in some other deluded being’s number. J

Road to Disengagement

It was my moment of glory, bright seemed every way,
felt a solemn stillness though, pensive so I must lay.
Faint initially, but now they were quite audible,
but an amalgam of brightness and sobs, did not seem plausible.
Oscillating were the dangling leaves, but the wind did not pass,
it was the moment of gory came to me, depicted an identical carcass.

So, this is where everything culminates and ends all the pain,
the literary “point of no return”, where all your accumulation goes to vain.
Apparitions are here apparent, but pounds your heart no more,
befriends everybody the desolation, here exists no lore.
But the stance here is what people call relief,
trusts isn’t broken, no feuds, no cracks in belief.

Was not for me to savour the bliss, as uninvited pang tore it apart,
Ah! I could look through the eyes of my own and then into the heart.
If my past insured their future and lurking treachery did slyly provoke,
glad I am that no more I share their space and slept a sleep from which only “the Son” woke.
The purpose is now served and hereby I am to relish the absolute detachment,
bid thee farewell oh forsaken land, where hostilities are nurtured and wolves roam freely in parchments!!

 

All Soaped Up :/

When the American soap companies decided to fund the shows in the early television days, no one would have ever thought how much of an impact would these “soap operas”  have on the common households. Today these are the shows eating the weekday primetime meal with a major percentage of the population.
In our country these shows usually revolve around a fondant, sincere, religious and seraphic girl who is the perfect daughter in law. Actually these shows should come with a precautionary notice of “please, don’t try this at home” because if you try all that whining and nagging crap on “aaj ki naari”,I am pretty much sure you would not be reciprocated only with facial cues.These are also infesting people with all kinds of false hopes and expectations(“hamari bahu to tulsi jaisi hogi” , get a life people) and so much filled with social inaccuracies.
Knowledge of more than one language is by theory considered  advantageous but it can also go “vice”-versa in a quite tragicomical way as my mallu descent makes me vulnerable to the Malayalam soaps too, which are an assault on the senses, I dare you to find me a protagonist with a smile on her face in those, and they have a problem with almost anything right that is going around  and do not want to lead a peaceful life and that is why they make people dig holes for them, deliberately fall into them and then act like a wounded li’l pup and blame the vamp, quite baffling !!and riddle me this, why wasting 200 mins of airtime in saying a mere “Yes”, when you have to tie the knot with him anyways, Kill me Now!!!!!
I have also heard people talking about a particular show which is “inspired” from Twilight, I mean come on, all that gooey stuff was not enough that you are trying to do a desi version of it,” desi sparkling vampire with erectile dysfunction” , yea that would be new!!
I miss the days when me and my sister used to discuss “the Beatles” and “Bob Dylan”, now the conversations take a minor detour every single time , screw you “Pavitra Rishta”  I hold you responsible!!!

I personally think that these shows manage to get such a high viewership as the Indian housewife somewhere envisages her life to be as the pretty tv lass(trust me she is a skank), with all the drama and spice that is actually missing from their lives(no wonder Desperate Housewives was a hit in the States) , they try to seek escape by indulging in these characters and they actually connect to the Indian households but we(the adolescent beings) are the real victims and it’s my humble request, please , please “Spare us the Horror” .
P.S- These soaps are highly infectious, I have lost a many of my beloved friends to these “grey matter thirsty” products of the idiot box,
So Beware!!! :/

Oh! Mega male

Today one of my treasured acquaintance framed a statement –“ I don’t like French fries, big deal”, this is actually a very small part of the paragraph she had come up with, but then most of that was cribbing, which I find cute but that’s  a different case(so basically, not important, hope “you” don’t kill me for this ) the thing being, I overlooked upon the original topic and instantly replied-“woman you just mercilessly snatched away the R.I.P status from the poor Belgian revolutionary who was responsible for the culinary origin of the mighty French fries, the face of rampant obesity(after the cheeseburger obviously), how can you be so inconsiderate ??? “The fact that I overlooked her trauma part and focused on the petty fries was the point I realized that besides the stereotypes of alpha and beta males, there exists a species of men which is not only surviving as well as thriving in the present times, and these are the Omega males, a transcendent product of evolution.

Yes, when we talk Omega, we envisage a guy who lacks positive attributes and is the exact opposite of the alpha, with a blinging  “L” sign stuck on his head but you know what the best part is, he is not at all bothered. They do not care for social convections or clichés , these are the guys who already have in possession the thing we all run after  retirement, “mental peace”, the point being why don’t have it all the time rather than running for it when you should be reclining in your lawn chair.

In contrast to the Alpha, who always needs the support of his peers, the Omega male could always care less  about acknowledgement which helps in developing a few but strong bonds of friendship ,something the former is not able to savor as his status in the society only bestows him with shallow and superficial  ones. Life could be much easier when you are not seeking social acceptance.

Women are undoubtedly drawn towards the alpha male, who considers it to be his prerogative, but who could guarantee that exterior possesses all that qualities that he is trying to sell, but on the contrary, Omega comes with a “scanned inside out” label as he is not pretending to be something else, he has got clever lines for you too but he’s also perfectly aware that someday he’s going to run out of them, better safe than sorry eh?

It’s a myth that the omegas are not concerned about the moolah factor in their lives, but the actual fact is that, only a meager percentage follows the delusion, they do, but it is not a primary concern, they believe in earning just enough, some call it a lack of ambition, I call it foresightedness, as luxury is not something they want from life.

Life could be all fun around Omegas, though they have some cons but they can be overlooked upon, some may be goofy, some deluded and some shy , not meeting the exact definition of a perfect male partner but they are smart enough for sure. Ladies might not find a financially secure future with him but he will make sure that you are not insecure and always loved. Most of them are creative, very exuberant and always unconventional , coping with crazy problems with the craziest of ideas. So, next time you bump into one, keep him for yourself and don’t let go because these are precious and are to be treasured.